Contact

One of the huge drawbacks of putting your address up anywhere on the Internet is that it will attract spammers in much the same way that horse poop attracts flies. So if you happen to be a spammer, please take note of the following:

  1. I do not speak Russian or Chinese.
  2. I am comfortable with the size of my penis and the thought of a 4 hour erection is in no way enticing to me.
  3. I do not accept candy or attachments from strangers (Thanks mom!)
  4. I do not believe in the tooth fairy or that a tin foil hat can protect you from the rays beamed in from outer space. I also do not believe that anyone in Nigeria wants to give me a lot of money to be their friend.
  5. If my bank really wants my password they can get a court order.
  6. I lived through the dot.com boom. Any time you have to tell me that a stock is HOT, I can be assured that it isn’t.
  7. If you have to hide the name of the product you are selling, what makes you think I want it?
  8. I do not buy OEM software. I also will not buy clothing out of the trunk of somebody’s car.
  9. I really don’t need assistance finding porn on the Internet (or finding books in a library, thank you very much)

If you still wish to contact me, just send email to john at 12ftguru dot com.